Something weird happened last night. I had some time free, so I opened up a WIP. And just sort of looked at it. Detached, like it wasn’t mine. Closed it and opened another. Same thing. Went for a blog. Nothing.
For what might be the first time since uttering my first syllable, it seems I had nothing to say. My parents swear that from the time I first opened my mouth, the only time I ever shut it was when I was writing words instead. And yesterday? Nothing.
I kind of felt like I do when I go to a car dealership or home improvement store. My Dad taught me enough about those things so that I’m not totally ignorant, but at the same time, I know when I go in there, I am out of my league, and if I’m not very careful I’ll make a mistake, or get screwed.
I always know what I want, but am not confident I will always get the best version for my particular needs. I know I need a drill, a cordless one. But there are so many to choose from. I don’t want a crappy one that will die 10 minutes in, but I’m not Bob Villa so I don’t need the deluxe model. The problem lie in the middle. And the middle takes up a lot of space.
That’s kind of how I felt yesterday. I didn’t want to throw down words just to have some. And I don’t aspire to Nobel level prose. I just want to tell a story, somewhere in the middle. But there’s a lot of middle.
And I’ve been on a roll. Got a couple of posts up in the Mother of the Year blog, plus got this week’s 10 x 10 up – 10 Christmas Gifts Nobody Wants.
I won Sharon Howard’s Blog of the Month award, and it’s always a great feeling to have someone give you kudos.
Most of my other goals are moving forward in fits and starts, not at my stated goal levels for most, but still. . . My reading/commenting on ROWers is being met semi-consistently, and for the rest, spastic progress is better than no progress. I do still need to pop over to Elizibeth Anne Mitchell’s site again to read her posts on the history of profanity. . . I asked for them after she commented on my Naughty Words post, and haven’t managed to get there yet. That’s my priority read for this week.
So now what? I’m afraid if I open a WIP or blog now, when I have this lingering confusion over being struck dumb, I will have another round of staring blankly, stuck in the middle. And I’m afraid if I do this to many times in a row, it will get into my head and lodge there like a tick, sucking out words until there are none left.
So I’m taking today off. Not only from words, but from everything. Going to take the kiddo, go buy some paint and some new Dremel bits and make some Christmas ornaments. Maybe bake a banana bread or some cookies.
I shall revel in this procrastination exercise and try again tomorrow.